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Entries in funny (10)

Friday
22Feb2008

The Plague of Winter Dumbs..


Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes and greetings! It really helped make the day just fabulous! :) Dinner was wonderful and I took some pics for you.. I just have to figure out how to get them from my new phone to the PC... Technology is so wonderful, but good grief, there is so much to learn! We are getting snowed on, again.

Is anyone else suffering from 'the Winter Dumbs'? It has been so hard to focus lately.. I have been driving down wrong roads and forgetting my lists. (Must have my grocery lists or I wander around the stores useless..) If I wasn't sure I'm NOT, I'd think I was pregnant again. Also feeling very tired... perhaps vitamins would help. Does anyone take vitamins? Which kinds? I try to put them in my routine, but I have no routine, so it just doesn't work.. any suggestions?

My grandmother has fled the Winter Dumbs to Florida for 6 weeks. I was rather hoping to stash away in her flight bags, but alas, they weighed too much with me in them. I'll have to loose a few pounds and try again next year..

The pic above is another from my aunt's home. There is a large brick wall/hearth in the kitchen with this fabulous archway in it. You can peek at some of her treasures that hang above this woodstove. The stained glass lamp was made by my grandmother's late husband. (not my grandfather.. the webs we weave..) There is an antique license plate and an old iron apple pealer.
Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday
14Feb2008

The birds, bees and aliens..

♥ ♥ ♥

Happy V-alien-tine's Day!
My son and I had quite the day yesterday! Well, let's start at the beginning.. The morning was a flurry of neon green cardstock and coordinating 'alien' green pipecleaners. Together we made 60+ v-alien-tines for his classmates and his teachers. Aren't they just the cutest? Not the traditional take on a valentine, but too cute to pass up. I got the idea from a Family Fun magazine, and since we had yet another snowday, it was a good craft idea. Ok.. shoot forward eight hours.. the family's is sitting watching Wheel of Fortune (one of my MIL's favorites, so we all watch..) and a commercial comes on for Pro-Life. A young woman sits beside her sleeping son, saying how she was so scared to tell grandma and grandpa about being pregnant with him, blah, blah, but she doesn't know what she would do without him now.. Well, Z (nine years old) doesn't get it.

"That's a strange commercial."

"Well, she got pregnant as a teenager and she choose to kept her baby." I said too much right there. It was all over. the birds and bees came at us like a storm of locusts!

"J has to have a baby now." he says. J is his almost seventeen year old sister from his father.

"J's pregnant???" I shout.


"No! But she's held hands with her boyfriend and kissed him, so they have to have a baby now." Alright, he is a VERY intelligent 9 year old, skipped a grade, yada, yada, yada, but he still believes in Santa, and he thinks by kissing someone, that's how the sperm gets in there. (or should I say 'thought'.) The conversation progressed, (with my MIL and hubby laughing and grimacing the entire time) and he now knows a certain item has to be inserted in a certain place for things to happen. The poor kid. I didn't want him to think that by kissing a girl, she would get pregnant! My parents never spoke to me about anything along this subjest matter, and I probably said more than I should, but the birds and bees are natural, and they led to some other 'insightful' bits of info.. for example, I now know he learned the 'c' word on the bus.. well, they told him it ended with a 'd' instead of 't".

When he asked me what it meant, I told him, "Well, I guess, it's a very, very bad slang word for 'vagina'."

He thought that was HYSTERICAL! He said, "They are calling women VAGINAS!!??"

It tickled him pink! Now, you might think I am crazy for talking to him like this, but communication to me is the most important thing you can encourage in your children. I want my son to be able to tell me ANYTHING, without the fear of being punished or ridiculed. He also asked me what being 'gay' was, and about 'periods', having heard both of these terms lately. So I told him. He might be young, but he is with older kids all day, and it's better to know the true, proper meaning and not the sometimes very twisted and misinterpreted definition that other children can come up with.

So, Happy V-alien-tine's Day, Dear Friends! It is the season of love, passion and s-e-x. (And a very endless list of questions coming from little eyes and ears that watch constantly!)

♥ ♥ ♥

(the above three images are copyright free clipart.. take them and ravage them!)

Wednesday
30Jan2008

There is a field.. I will meet you there. (update at bottom)


Today was our wedding anniversary. Hubby took me to dinner at a nice local restaurant and we enjoyed our time without children or dogs. The 'grammas' stayed home with the kids. I went all out and ordered a Strawberry Daquiri at dinner. Now, for those who aren't familiar, I don't drink. I can't remember the last time I had an alcoholic beverage. Ok, shoot forward twenty minutes, Abbie can't find the potato on her fork that she swore she just scooped up. I started to giggle and that was it. It was all down hill from there so I pushed the drink to the other side of the table. Only about half of it was gone at that point. To regain my composure so as to not embarass myself or my hubby, I just sipped at it the rest of the evening, occasionally. It really did help take the edge off. It is amazing how much tension builds up in my body through the course of a day. Kids squealing, dogs barking... it was a help having G (my mother in law) with me. she is so good with the kids and truly helps out alot. I can run to the bathroom and not hav to worry about dragging T with me. Oh! Another treat today, both girls slept all night in their beds in their room. All night. It was like an anniversary miracle! Hubby and I got to sleep together all night alone. OK, we had two dogs between us, but hey, it's better than a set of feet kicking me in the head all night.

Serenity Now!!

♥Abbie

*If anyone would like, click on the above images and copy them to your PC, they are copyright free images created by myself from antique books and sheet music. Enjoy!

*******************************************************
Notation added Thurs AM.. Thanks for all the wonderful comments! Rosie asked what we had to for dinner so here it is.. I had baked salmon with lemon, butter and seasoned breadcrumbs (yummy!) a baked potato (and sour cream, of course!) and my hubby had prime rib with 'homestyle' mashed potatoes.. don't ask what that means, I have no idea! lol! They served green beans 'family style' (one bowl for both of us) and the usual salad and bread. It was very simple yet very good. Although I could have been eating a McDonald's cheeseburger and a Coke, as long as we were alone, it wouldn't have mattered! Oh! I almost forgot we shared a brownie sundae for dessert. (another yum!)

Thursday
10Jan2008

Left in the dark..

Z with his Nana

It always seems like nothing ever goes right.. does that happen to anyone else? I spent yesterday morning running errands, picking up cake fixings and new snowboarding gloves for Z. (His ninth birthday was yesterday..) When I got home, about 2 PM, we had no power. No oven, no TV, no vacuum, no laundry. Oh! It'll force me to take a break, I said to myself. Ha! The girls were nuts and there seemed to constantly be one screaming for hours.. I couldn't make Z's Birthday cake, (my mom baked it at her house finally) And, although it wasn't too cold here, (about 40 degrees) the house cooled off considerably and once the novelty of no electricity wore off, it wasn't fun anymore. I decorated Z's cake by candle light. It was a good thing we didn't have lights because it wasn't pretty.. the power stayed out until 11 pm. Once it kicked back on, of course ,we lit up like a Christmas Tree due to T flicking switches all evening trying to turn the lights on. So, I got up, turned off everything, and woke up this morning to a horrid mess of melted candles, empty pizza boxes and a spattering toys everywhere.

T is peekin'.. she helped him blow out candles..

But, on a brighter note, I am so excited about the response I got the swap post below!! Yeah! As soon as I can, I'll let everyone all the tidbits of info.. hang in there with me, everything will be just fine! As said on Seinfeld, "Serenity Now!"

The sun is shining, the snow is melting, and it is just a gorgeous day!

Smiles,

Abbie

Wednesday
19Dec2007

Seven things and six days...

OK. I've been tagged by Anke to share with you seven random things about myself. Well, seven things would be quite boring, so I thought I'd try to put pics with each. I just love to peruse images from others peoples lives so I thought I'd share the Good, the Bad and the Ugly about Abbie.

1.) I was a very homely child. No kidding and no laughing. OK. You can laugh. I know I do, every time I peek at this pic.

2.) My daughters did not inherit my looks.. Praise the Lord! hehehe...
3.) I spent ten days in Russia when it was still under Communist Rule. I was blown away by the the subway in Moscow. Here is a pic I took of it..


4.) I have two brothers, the one on the left is heading to Afghanistan in two weeks and it terrifies me.


5.) I have always dreamed of having my own shop ever since I had my picture taken in front of this one, somewhere in the United Kingdom. I don't recall where it was, but it stayed with me. Someday I hope to open a 'real' shop, complete with art supplies, scrapbooking items, trims and specialty fabrics. (Yep.. that's me, I know. I still hadn't 'blossomed' yet..)

6.) I am married to my dream man and live in my dream home. (house pics in previous post..)

7.) Although I am all backed up and behind on my Christmas wrapping and I have no holiday spirit this year, I am grateful for my screaming children, barking dogs, dirty dishes and loads of laundry for they signify how absolutely rich my life truly is and I would be completely lost without them.

PS.. Only six days 'til Christmas! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

oh.. and I have to tag 3 people.. do I even know three people? hmm... OK.. Rosie, Donna, and Anne. For those I've tagged, it is purely optional, and you may definitely wait 'til after the holidays! Cheers!

Tuesday
27Nov2007

The Discipline and Exercise Routine of a Coke Addict..


I started an exercise routine the other week. I got up in the morning and before the kids woke up, did sit ups, push ups (girly ones) and leg lifts. I was sore for three days and haven't done it again. That pretty much sums up my fitness program. Does anyone else a problem staying inspired? It is so hard to keep up the momentum, but my belly is paying a fair price for my lack of enthusiasm. As some of you know, I am a very petite woman, and am not over weight. Just ridiculously out of shape. As I get older, and with each additional child, it seems like I have body parts sagging I wasn't even aware that I had! Frustration hits and the only kisses that help squash the pain are Hershey's.

It's time for a revolution! A fitness, nutrition revolution! More Water, must drink more water. OK, I need to drink any quantity of water. Right now I drink none. Zip. Zero. I am a Coke addict. Coca-Cola, that is. The original, no diet or caffeine free for me! It is my carbonated, cold coffee sans the creamer. Deep therapy and water. Inner peace. I'll start tomorrow.

Monday
26Nov2007

A Blank Slate, the Wierd, the Random and the Funny...

Well, I got the kitchen table stripped and the mantle cleared off.. I tend to gravitate to symmetrical decorating. It must be a little bit of the mathematician in me. Pretty barren, eh?

***SOME IMAGES HAVE BEEN REMOVED***

Yesterday my mother came over and we were able to coral the children long enough to get a pic for Christmas cards. Since most you aren't on my mailing list, I can show them off! :) We placed a skid proof mat on top of the dining table, and then my wee daughter's Bumbo, and then placed a tablecloth over everything, slid the table towards the mantle and voila! we had a mock photo studio! The kids didn't move very far once they were on the table because I think they were afraid they might fall off. Or it was because I was yelling so loudly at them to behave, sit still, leave each other alone, look at me! and smile! Hello!?? Up here!! I need you guys to look up here!! It only took twelve pics to get this one. Some cropping, light adjustment on the computer and the cards are already ordered from Snapfish.com.

 

Here is the same fire place as above, just from the other side. Still a little bare, but symmetrical and neat. (the way I like things) they don't often stay that way.. but I try!

I also took some pics of my son. The school pictures always seem to come out either awful or hilarious and I wanted something this year that reflected him, not the photo company machines that stack and shuffle the children. I took about thirty and got 4 that I really like. We sang the Macho Man song and I got him to smile and laugh in a couple. Above is my favorite.

OK.. I've been tagged to share with you three things about myself.. the random, the weird and the funny.

the Random.. My father was in the Air Force and I grew up in Europe. Mostly Germany, but I also lived in Italy for a spell. I was able to visit Russia when it was still under Communist Rule. Wow. that opened my eyes.

the Weird.. when I was in college I had a partially shaved head, blue hair (what was left) and a pierced eye brow and I got a tattoo.. (I still have the tattoo)

the Funny.. we are a middle class family, very comfortable and secure. If I have $20 dollars, I take a trip to the local junk shop instead of the clothing store. I only have two pairs of pants (one of which I bought a week ago!) Almost all my socks are worn so thin they have built in air conditioning and most of my clothes are hand me downs from my mother and grandmother. (perhaps I should ask for some clothes for Christmas.. NAAAAHHH!! I want a gift card to Micheal's and some cash for my junk shop addiction!)

Monday
19Nov2007

Wrinkles in Time..

This is a post I pulled from one of my old blogs.. I reread it this evening and it made me laugh outloud! I am now 32 and I have gracefully accepted my wrinkles. My face is not tan, and I use only one facial mosturizer.

"Hit thirty and everything went to hell in a handbag. WRINKLES! Arrhhhagghh! There are wrinkles everywhere! They sneak in, a small almost invisible line and WHHALLLOOPP! CRACK!! a large fissure has taken its place overnight. Actually, I am fairly wrinkle free if I remain completely expressionless. No more smiling. Or frowning. Looks of confusion. No more glaring at my son.The preservation has begun. At what age is it OK to have wrinkles? 50? 40? Did those few years of sneaking cigarettes from my mothers purse hurt my skin so badly? How about sun tanning? Do I need to be pale and washed out for an eternity? Or is orange better from the fake tanners? I truly look best with some sun my face. I think most people do. A natural glow. Provided by mother nature herself. Does mother nature really hurt us so badly that we have to use four different products to cover our skin from her? What about fresh air? Vitamin D? Screw Wrinkles! If I have a few maybe they will be unnoticed on my bare, tan face! HA!"

Wednesday
19Sep2007

New curtains..



I spent the morning furiously sewing insulated curtains for our hallway that extends between the house and the garage. Even though the house is almost brand new, that small space just cannot keep the heat. So... insulated, full drapes are the last resort. Once they are hung, I'll post a pic.. The place in the ouse I get to use florals!! (the rest of our home is very NH/lodge/plaid/deer head/moose). Speaking of plaid furniture... look who enjoys it the most!

Tuesday
10Oct2006

jesus

Holy Crap!! This is TOOOO funny! (those who are devout Christians may not want to watch)