Desperately Seeking Balance

A few people have posted lately about life, balance, and finding their creative energy. Mary and Kathy have been searching and, from my understanding, have finally found a peace with themselves and the direction their life/craft/art is taking. I am currently a stay at home who has put most personal endeavors (school, art, career) on the back burner to raise my children and take care of my family and home. This shift is a very hard struggle for me. I am trying to find creative outlets in my kitchen, but I truly feel as if I am in a form of hibernation or cryostasis.

Waiting.

Waiting for what?

I was in a local quilt shop the other day and I was having a pleasant adult conversation with the owner. (Adult conversations don't come by that often so when they do I jump on the opportunity to use some three syllable words) I mentioned that it would fabulous (and my dream) to open a scrapbooking/craft shop in the same plaza. (it is a new plaza, with some empty store fronts) She said that a local woman was considering opening a yarn shop and that it could be a great 'one stop shop' area for crafters and artisans. In return, I replied that I needed to wait a few years yet, until my children were at least school age before I could start a retail business venture. Then she gave me some advise.. the only words of wisdom she had were 'Don't Wait.' Starting her business at 49, she said that the days were long and the work was hard and she could really use youth on her side.

How long is too long? What am I giving up? Or am I not 'giving up', but receiving instead? Do I need to be at home, and focus solely on the 'mother/wife/caregiver me', for me to appreciate the 'business, artist, creative me' later in life? Is experience, appreciation, and peace something that comes in time, or does it come when you reach out and grab for it? I suppose there is no right or wrong answer here. It would be nice to look back when I am 50 or 60 and not have regrets. Not wonder about all the 'what ifs'. Now is the time in my life that I need to make the choices that will steer my future, to avoid the malaise of 'the things never done', or the 'it would have been nice to ____'s.

Ok. I am done. I am confused. So here I sit, typing on my PC, a choice, instead of researching a business venture, or working on an art piece. Perhaps is is time to rethink my direction right now...

A Big Scary Monster...

Well we had a large scare here yesterday. A little background info needed for you first.. My son, has not been feeling well lately. Nothing diagnosed, just mild malaise. Occasional headaches, stomach upset, racing heart, red face, the yucks. They would come and go, but we never able to pin anything down. He just felt 'weird' in his words.

Well, above our garage, we have a lovely 'play space' for the kids. As the oldest, Z (9 years) plays up there by himself mostly because the girls are too young yet. Playstation 2, airhockey, TV, etc.. The space is heated with a Rannai Monitor Heater. For those of you who are unaware, there has been a recall on some models for a leaky gasket that may release carbon monoxide into the living space.

OK, so I took our carbon monoxide detector from the basement up to the room just to relieve any fears my son might have about playing up there and BEEP BEEP BEEP. The levels of carbon monoxide were dangerously high. Wah???? Just our luck, we never hit the jackpot, win the lottery or get the winning scratch ticket, but yep, OUR heater was one of the rare few that was actually LEAKING! OMG! My baby!

My little boy, I had been sitting by his bedside every night telling him he was OK, it was just a bug or anxiety, or nerves or maybe he ate something that didn't agree. "Don't worry, you'll be OK. It will pass and you'll be alright." Uh??? So off to the doctors we went, they drew blood and yep, he had been exposed at unhealthy levels, but his blood counts look good, so as long as he does get 're-exposed' he's just fine. Terrifying.

It's something I had no control over. I can lock the doors at night, know CPR, have all the emergency phone numbers posted, bundle them up, wash their hands, tell them not to talk to strangers, protect them in so may ways from monsters. But this monster was right there. Silent. Making my baby sick. It could have been much worse. MUCH WORSE. Horrifying. Terrifying. Now we know why he has been sickly, not right. I try so hard to do everything to protect them but this I couldn't predict. The heater was new.

My world feels very out of control right now.

Wonderful packages and five things..

Oh! I had such a wonderful Valentine's Day! I hope everyone else did too. First, the mail came and I had two packages!! Yeay! Love getting mail, especially from fabulous friends! First, my package from Tara had a beautiful blue rose teacup, Sutton of London tea, and a cream puff recipe!! Oh, it was so lovely to open her box, and on top, lay a page from a 1930 Newspaper. The real deal! Thank you so much for sharing such a treasure from your home, Tara!

The next fabulous package to arrive was from Sherry. Another YEAY!! A tin heart box was beautifully decorated and filled with fabulous crafting goodness! (♥and a few chocolates!) Wonderful tags, paper blooms and gorgeous red 'bling' hearts. Thank you Dear Sherry!

some of the goodies in my jars..

Alright, time to get down to business.. Rhonda tagged me to share five things that you don't already know.. hhmm.. I have shared alot lately, so this might be tricky..

1.) I was called 'bug eyes' in elementary school.. that was rough.. also four eyes.. yep, I wore glasses. In high school the eye doctor finally told me it was a waste of money for glasses, they didn't improve my eye sight, and I could see perfectly well out of my right eye. (stagmatism in the left) I never have been able to see 3D movies or pics.

2.) I am a plant killer. Love house plants, but they die horrible deaths when in my care. I do have some succulents, don't ask me what kind, I just know they thrive on abuse and neglect. (one is peeking in the top pic.)

3.) Love blue jeans. They are my most favorite piece of clothing, but none of them fit right since my last child.

4.) Love to travel, have seen the world, but TERRIFIED to fly ever since my first child was born. The last time I was on a plane I nearly threw up and I had an anxiety attack before I even boarded. (that was on meds..) The poor Stewardess, she tried so hard to calm me down, but I cried the entire flight.

5.) I feel awfully guilty if my home isn't spotless and neat because I am home all day. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I have the blessing of being a stay at home mom and I just want everything to be perfect. Needless to say, I have discovered over the past year I am NOT Martha. Not even close. lol!! Ugghh.. this was a devastating and painful realization for me.

Ok.. above is a sneak peek at tomorrows post.. I visited my aunt's 1810 NH home and I took some more pics for you!!

Thank you, Snow Globes and the Winners Are....

Hi everyone! I hope all is well out there in the great wide world. First, I want to thank everyone who left such wonderful, supportive comments on my last few posts. I have very few friends that I see regularly, and was nice to have your support and prayers. It feels like I have some special, fabulous friends out there and you are all fantastic! Thank you!!

Our world feels like a snow globe right now. As if someone had picked up our tiny universe, shook it violently and put it back on the shelf to settle. Occasionally, we get picked up again, shaken, and now we are waiting for things to reach some sort of routine. My mother-in-law is staying with us for the time being. There is no other place we would rather her be, and the children absolute adore having her at the table and to talk to. She and her husband were married 52 years. Her world not only has been shaken, but completed blown apart. My husband's parents are/were his best friends, and although he his doing well, the loss of his father is the most painful blow he has ever experienced. Also, to top off the list, my husband's close friend, lost his father on Saturday. There will not be a service for my father-in-law until the spring, but we couldn't avoid a funeral, as we will be attending the one for his friend's dad tomorrow. Fate arrives in three's. I hadn't mentioned it before, but two weeks ago, I attended a funeral for a close friend of my mother's family.

God willing, the rest of the season will be calm and quiet. I have been struggling with all the changes to our home and routine. The dining room/playroom is now a bedroom and my craft/business closet is now a jumbled heap in the room above our garage. It is hard to welcome another in our home and not upset the delicate balancing act we are all doing. Family has been visiting every evening and the house has been a buzz with laughter, tears, and ciaos for close to a week now. The children are getting by the best of any of us, I think, as they don't understand the recent events very well. I have dreamed of a three generation home for years. It seems to be best for the children and helps keep the family close and safe. Now that it is here, the changes are fast and furious, but I think, after things have calmed we will all be OK.

Now, enough whining.. I let my husband and mother-in-law pick the winning numbers randomly and they picked #'s two and seven. So.. Mary will be receiving the icicles and Rhondamum will be getting the craft basket... thank you for all the comments and if I had to guess, my shop will closed for sometime. I do hope to post about my crafty adventures and have more giveaways. It makes me so happy to be able to send off pretty packages to others.. perhaps it's time to join some of the great swaps out there in bloggerville. I hope everyone is appreciating and loving their family, enjoy! (Mary and Rhonda, I just need your snail mail addresses emailed to me..)

♥ Abbie

Everything's kinda grey here right now.

I had such a good morning. Time change, up early to the clock and started a fun day. Went browsing through several antique/junk shops in Meredith looking for more treasure. I did find somethings, but they have lost their spark. I had a phone call from my brother this afternoon. I have mentioned him before, he choose to re-enlist in the Army after 20+ years out. 2 little kids, etc. He needs to be a hero. A hero. I wish I could make him see he's already a hero. To me, his kids, his family. Anyway.. he was heading to Afghanistan in December. Not anymore. He's heading to the Middle East today. Tonight. While I type. He's gone. I wanted to tell him so many things. That I love him, that I hope he stays safe. To come home. He is in the middle of divorce, and as if that's not enough of a battle, now he's going to war. My shop, my blog, everything that seemed so important to me this morning just doesn't mean much right now. My family. I want to gather them up and keep them close. I want to clean my home, make dinner, take stock of everything that's TRULY important and stop focusing on ridiculous, frivolous, crap. I am not religious person. But tonight, while I drove to pick up my son, I prayed. I prayed so hard tears ran down my face. My two year old said from the backseat 'It's all better, momma.' I said 'Yes, it's all better.' But it won't be. Not right now.

Studio Friday: THIS IS THE ONE...

This weeks Studio Friday topic is: THIS IS THE ONE...

"Imagine this: a complete hypothetical scenario... Your studio/creative space gets destroyed in a disaster (don't dwell on the disaster part too long).All people/family members/boyfriends/husbands/animals are safe and sound and well. You can run back in and save only ONE item and carry it to safety. What would you save and why??"

Oh.. this was a toughy!! I just spent about 2 hours today (off and on) re-organizing my 'studio/dining room closet'. So, now that I actually know whats in there again I was able to think about it some. Here it is. My buttons. My canning jar of white buttons. Most are antique, some are bone, glass, plastic, shell or stone but I love them all. Now as far as a disaster goes.. I don't even want to think about it! Bad juju karma!
;)

Nothing ever goes perfect!

(This entry is NOT for the squeemish..) Why does something always have to go wrong when so many things are going right? My new babe (2 weeks old today!) has slept 7 hours straight twice now, and the other nights sleeps very well. (allowing her ever grateful mother a full nights rest almost every night since she was born!) Miraculous, I know... gotta love formula! Sorry lactation supporters! My milk dried up with no problems, my 8 yr old has opted to continue daycamp for the summer, (I gave him the choice to stay home and play with his sisters instead) The weather is gorgeous! Hot, but fabulous! (I think the temp outside right now is 95 degrees) Up until the other day I felt great; rested, thinning at a good pace, starting to fit into pre-preg clothes, enjoying my husband home on vaca, and SLAM! I wake up, bleeding heavy (it had almost stopped) and with pain and discomfort. Almost 2 weeks after the birth. Not pretty. (if you don't like blood STOP reading...) The doctor removed some hefty blood clots. Not a pretty thing, or comfortable for that matter. I now have blood clotting meds and an ultrasound scheduled for fri. to see that everything is ok. WHY can not ONE of my pregnancies go SMOOTHLY????? From start to finish?? What the heck? Is this Mother Nature's way of telling me something? Don't worry Mo-Nature, I'm not having anymore! Promise! Got the message!
Anyway.. thanks for listening.. I needed to vent..

I think today is the day....

well.. I have been having contractions (started at 11 min apart) since 2:30 am. Now its 9:15 and they are about every 5 minutes apart. The doctor that I really like and have been working with, of course, is not on duty today. So, I am going into the office and we'll see what happens. I really want to have this baby FAST. But, So far I have having contraciotns for alomst 7 hours and this is my THIRD CHILD! What's up with that? Oh, well. Keep my eye on the prize. I'll post as soon as I get home.
:) Abbie

woooshhh. gulp. no.

wooooshh. gulp. no.

Those were my thoughts when I talked to my brothers earlier this evening. I found out that my younger brother (but older than me) is seriously considering joining the Army. Again.

wooooshh. gulp. no.

I can't even type it with out tears coming ot my eyes.

wooosh. gulp. no.

Our family has put in their time.

woosh. gulp. no.

The world is too volatile a place. Iraq. North Korea. Iran. Our own cities.

woosh. gulp. no.