Big girl shoes...

Do you ever feel like you are trying to fill shoes that just don't fit? I feel that way quite often right now as I am struggling with what I want to be when I 'grow up'.  Could I stay at home and continue to be a domestic engineer? Yes. Can I go back to school and finish my degree? Yes. Could I keep doing this? Yes. But I'm really struggling with the fact that I'm not really helping anyone. I'd like to help design homes for Habitat for Humanity, design business logos for newbie business owners for free.I want to feed the hungry, clothe the homeless, stop Global Warming, reduce my footprint. I want to exercise more, and eat less. I need to drink more water. I want to help keep our water clean. I want to leave a mark on this world that will remain long after I am gone. I want my grandchildren to tell stories of my life to their grandchildren, and speak of me with pride and fondness.  I want to fill MY shoes. But which pair?? How do you fill them all, when there are so many to choose from? To be a role model to my children of all that they can accomplish in life, of all the good that they are capable of and yet be home when they get home from school... these are huge dialogues that have been going on in my head. I thought perhaps if I vocalized them, organized them just enough to get them out, that perhaps something might jump off the page at me.

I'll let you know when it hits me. Any thoughts? I'd love to hear. You guys always have some of the best life advise to share. One thing I do know. There won't be anymore kids. My minor surgery a few weeks ago took care of that. :)

xoxo~

Abbie

PS.. the image is of my daughter trying to strut her stuff in my only pair of heels.

Comments

[Ann]

Oh I know what you mean Abbie - since retiring 18 month ago after 42 years working in the health service I find I really miss the feeling of helping somebody - anybody! and I now know I should have stayed on longer. But I always admire people I meet or see on TV who have a real knowledge and passion for just one thing - one cause, one hobby or interest, one subject to learn about, one period or person or place in history. So.... my feeling is we both need to find that one thing - that one thing to have a passion for. I've already decided to volunteer to work for our local credit union as they are desperate for more people - and I'll see where I go from there. I think it will be a start to feeling useful anyway. Hope this helps - I think you are already a long way there.

[Vee]

Abbie, you sound like me on a number of levels (and so not like me on a few more)...I STILL don't know what I want to do and I'm old enough to be your mommy. Speaking of which, I love that photo of your daughter trying on your heels. I'd have to frame it. Okay, where were we? Advice? Nah, I have none to give. Priorities? I suppose that might help you figure it out. Anyway, I support you in whatever direction you go because I know this: you are one capable gal and you could do absolutely anything that you choose.

[Kay R.]

I don't even own one pair of high heels--makes me taller than my husband--and for some reason that makes me feel weird--now there's something to ponder. I have no gems of wisdom to impart, either, only to say that, as parents, our legacy is our children. You are probably filling all of those "shoes" you mentioned in one way or another. Thing is, your children will remember you for being there for them. They are your mark on this world. I guess it all comes down to priorities as to which shoes you choose to fill. The picture of your daughter in your heels is priceless. It's wonderful she has a mommy who recorded that little moment in her life.

[sandy]

Abbie,

You'll never regret filling the shoes of a mother. You are building a lasting legacy. But life comes in seasons.
As my children were growing up most of my time and energy was spent with them. I volunteered though in ways that my children could serve alongside me and learn by example and my creative spirit was satisfied by being creative in ways THEY could participate. I also worked a few days a month as an RN.

As an empty nester I started an outreach to juvenile offenders and THAT took most of my time but I again filled "other shoes" in less time consuming ways.

Now I've "retired" from the outreach and have found a DIFFERENT season to enjoy. But each time I tried to balance my life, enjoying it ALL but in different ways.

This worked for me! Focus on your priorities and maintain balance. ( Just a little "motherly" advice ) sandy

[tkshoes]

What shoes are good for working in wet conditions?
In the summer I do landscaping cutting grass, and we start early.

[lea helmerich]

what a lovely post to spur us to think. ouch, not used to so much of it. :)

i think the best shoes for you to fill are the ones that feel most comfortable.
they're the ones you are made for, they make you feel the most fulfilled, and
make you more enjoyable to be around.

having said that, sometimes we have to 'put on' shoes that don't feel as
cozy. at those times, we just do the best we can in them . . . and then
quickly put back on the comfy ones.

if your mommy shoes are pinching a bit, console yourself with this. you
will never do anything as purposeful or fulfilling, in the long run. and they
won't be around for as long as you think.

it goes so fast. :(

[georgia]

i've just stumbled upon you blog and wanted to say how much i love it. especially this post.

i've reading a lot of posts like this lately, and also feeling/thinking many of these same exact thoughts. it's so nice to know there are others out there who are in the same place.

and what a perfect photo for this post.

glad i found your blog. it seems like one i will want to return to again and again.

[rachel]

Hi Abbie, don't think you are not helping anyone. You are able to help your husband as a homemaker. Also, you are helping your kids by being home for them and having time to take care of them properly and do all kinds of fun activities with them. Maybe you are just getting bored and you feel like you need to do something different, but I think you will get that feeling no matter what you are doing in life.

[Jenny]

Hey there Abbie. It's funny that I just stumbled across this post (I was on my circuitous way to the Vintage Moth and ended up here) because lately I have been thinking a lot about what to do when I grow up. Without going into too much detail about myself - I will only say that I have a degree in education, plan to have kids soon, and also want to help save the world in some way - I will tell you what I have just begun to understand.

In order to truly make a difference, we need to think 'big picture' and also teach our children to do the same. We need to educate our children holistically and, although this is happening more and more in schools, the best way to foster critical awareness in the next generation is to teach our children ourselves in our everyday lives. It sounds like you are on the right track. My advice is not to spread yourself too thin. I just spent a part of my summer nannying for a family where both parents work full time and I noticed how much of their life at home is based on convenience... convenience at the expense of healthy, eco-conscious alternatives, and also at the expense of healthy, eco-conscious kids. I hope I've made some sort of sense here - I just wanted to say that what you are doing now is valuable.. perhaps in more ways than you think. :)