Thank you.. thank you..
Sunday, December 20, 2009 at 6:35PM
Thank you so much for all of the heartfelt, wonderful comments. It is nice to know that we are not alone in our feelings and thoughts. Especially when they aren't the expected 'norm'. Your responses helped, huge! Today, the kids and I are delivering goodies to family and friends.. we bought tons of toys for the Toys for Tots, we have been singing carols (nothing makes me smile more than my 2 year old wailing out 'Jingle Bells' in the backseat.) and my 4 yr old daughter spent all evening making the cutest reindeer clothespin ornaments for all of her classmates. As you can see from above pic there isn't much to them. We used a gluestick, red pompoms, googly eyes (I just love those!) and antlers. The antlers in the photo are construction paper, but the ones she made for her class were from felt. (less likely to be torn) You can also attach a magnet to the back and put them on your fridge. We clipped a small note that said 'Merry Christmas Love Taylor' in their 'mouth'.
I mentioned that we were a 'churchless' family in my last post and it sparked quite a few comments and emails. Allow me to explain... As a child, my parents and I didn't attend church, but when my parents were growing up they certainly did. My grandfather was a very prominent member of his church and my maternal grandmother was deaconess of her church for many years. But, I think due to all the moving (USAF) we did not attach ourselves to a congregation or building. And with that, we didn't have those community ties that are so intricate in many lives. Regardless of my own personal views I have been teaching my children (within certain frameworks) about the meaning behind Christmas and that it is the celebration of Jesus's birth. Jesus was a real man, who made real changes for humanity and we do celebrate that along with the changing of the seasons.
Just within my own and my husband's immediate family we have so many religious beliefs represented... Jewish, Mormonism, Protestant, Christian, Atheist, Jehovah Witness.. so I can not say that my beliefs are the 'correct' belief, as then I would be inferring that others that I love so dearly are 'wrong'.. how can I do that? but how on earth can 'everyone' be right? That would also conflict with the very essence of most beliefs.. I have yet to figure it out for myself, so therefore, religion is just a place I don't go to very often. So above, all else, I am trying to teach compassion, understanding and respect for everyone, regardless of their religious views. Mind you, I DO NOT condone any religion that encourages the segregation or harming of others.
Other than that, I won't share anymore with you in regards to my religious beliefs and practices. Similiar to politics, they are just too personal for me to share in such an open forum. I realize this is my own blog and I can do/say as I wish, but I encourage and enjoy readers from all countries and walks of life to visit and return. I do understand that if you try to celebrate 'Christmas' without 'Christ' there is definitely going to be a emotional gap in the season, such as it would be for any religion to celebrate their respective holidays. That hole, I think, is filled within my family. Thank you for your concern and willingness to help. Such kindness is not found easily and I appreciate it so much! Your passion and conviction of belief is a wonderful and treasured thing. Thank you for sharing with me. It truly makes me smile.
The traditions that you shared also made me smile.. so many wonderful moments. I read in a past Victoria magazine that a woman wrote down small notes and thoughts about the holiday/year and kept them with the Christmas decorations. Every year, when they would open the decorations they would read the notes and be reminded of the small, special things that happened in the previous years. She said after one of her children passed away, that those notes became so priceless to her and her family.
I hope that you make smiles, give hugs, and keep sharing so much of yourselves this season with others. Sometimes just speaking or writing our beliefs, feelings and thoughts outloud helps us reafirm our lives and purpose. (even if we are completely confused!) :)
Merry Christmas!
xoxo~
Abbie
holidays 
Reader Comments (11)
Happy Holidays Abbie! May all your wishes come true, may all your dreams be golden, and may your days be filled with joy!
((hugs)) rosie
You say things so well. I as well don't raise my family with one religion. I give my children the option. Trinity has attended churches in a few different religions on her own doing with friends. I do notice that if the parents push the religion and don't make it comfortable for the child that she will never ever want to go back. I love doing things for the community when I can. I do have some secret things I do because I just don't like the acknowledgement that it was me. I like doing things because it makes me feel good. Trinity is the same exact way which I am so greatfull that she has taken that on. You and your family do some wonderful things keep it up.
The reindeer are wicked cute good idea. I can't wait to have more kids. Hopefully soon. Unfortunately they won't be blood due to some issues I have but that won't matter to me. So if you see me with a child of a different race lol it might be one of my own.
Great posting Abbie and from my family to yours we wish a wonderful Xmas!!!
Hey Abbie,
Okay, I have loved this post and the last post so much. So honest. I think a lot of times we see a lot of lollipops and gumdrops this time of year in the blogging world, but we don't see heartfelt honesty. Thank you.
My family was similar during my teenage years. No religion. So, what you said about the emotional gap if we don't celebrate Christ in Christmas really hit me. It's so true. No matter what religion we are or are not, it's important to recognize the reason. Once I put Christ back in Christmas when I got older, Christmas was so much more meaningful to me.
Really loved these posts. Thanks again.
Also, it was so hard for me to buy presents for my kids this year because we do have enough stuff and not a lot of space. so, I actually kept to our small budget and only bought small toys. It was such a good feeling knowing that my kids wouldn't be going bonkers to try and decide which toy they wanted to play with. Anyway, I'm rambling.
Merry Christmas! and Happy Holidays!
Love, Abbie (I'm still so excited to know another Abbie - there aren't very many)
OH! One more thing (I'm a talker, what can I say?). I was just thinking about how wonderful it is to be a mother and decide what traditions we want to do with our kids. Like you taking stuff to your neighbors. We have the power (if you will) to create those memories and magic for our little ones. And they may carry them along to their kids. I love that! I love that when my son sings Angels We Have Heard on High he will think if me because he makes me sing it to him every night in December:). I like making traditions!
Okay, I'm really done.
Hi Abagail, I was reading your previous post and I wanted to share an author with you, his name is Eckhart Tolle and he wrote a book that I'm actually going to look for "The Power of Now." I came across him because I caption television for Canadian programming, and actually last night I captioned a talk show program he was on where he talked about his story leading up to this book, and I think he has some valid points on our outlooks on life and how we can learn to live in the now and be happier. I have an excerpt I'd love you to read.... it may be a bit long!
>> George: IF YOU GO BACK A FEW
DECADES, YOU'RE 29 YEARS OLD, A
FATEFUL NIGHT, IS THAT WHAT
STARTED THIS WHOLE THING?
>> YES AND WHEN I HAD MANY
UNHAPPY NIGHTS BUT THAT NIGHT I
WAS JUST SO DEEPLY DEPRESSED
AGAIN AND I HAD SPENT THE
PREVIOUS WEEKS IN ANXIETY AND
WHAT HAPPENED IS THAT A THOUGHT 146
CAME INTO MY HEAD THAT SAID I
CAN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF ANY
LONGER AND AT THAT MOMENT A
SEPARATION HAPPENED BETWEEN
MYSELF AND THE THOUGHT AND I
LOOKED AT THE THOUGHT AND I
SAID, I CAN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF,
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THERE MUST BE TWO OF ME, THERE'S
AN I AND THERE MUST BE SOME
UNHAPPY SELF THAT I CANNOT LIVE
WITH.
AND THROUGH THAT, I ONLY
UNDERSTOOD THE FULL IMPLICATIONS
YEARS LATER, THE SEPARATION
HAPPENED BETWEEN THE UNHAPPY
SELF WHICH I LATER REALIZED IS
A MENTAL CONSTRUCT EXISTING OF
UNHAPPY REPETITIVE THOUGHTS
ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE AND AN
UNHAPPY STORY.
AND I WAS CONTINUOUSLY RETELLING
MYSELF THE UNHAPPY STORY OF ME.
AND I WAS SO IDENTIFIED WITH THE
UNHAPPY STORY OF ME THAT THERE
WAS NO GAP BETWEEN THAT AND ME
AND IT WAS THE SELF THAT I
COULDN'T LIVE WITH.
AND WHEN I REALISED THAT THERE
IS A SELF I CAN LIVE WITH,
SOMETHING SEPARATED AND I
BECAME -- THE CONSCIOUSNESS
BEHIND THE UNHAPPY SELF.
AND I COULD SEE THAT THE WHOLE
STRUCTURE OF THE UNHAPPY SELF
WAS A KIND OF FICTION.
A NARRATIVE THAT I KEPT
REPEATING IN MY MIND.
SO THE SEPARATION HAPPENED.
AND I REALISED THAT IN ESSENCE
I'M NOT MY STORY WITH A HAPPY OR
UNHAPPY STORY, I'M THE
CONSCIOUSNESS BEHIND THE STORY.
THE CONSCIOUSNESS OR THE SPACE,
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT IS
NOT REALLY A NAME FOR IT.
AND I SUDDENLY REALISED MYSELF
AS THAT AND WITH THAT I WAS IN A
STATE OF PEACE.
FROM THEN ONWARDS I NEVER AGAIN 147
IDENTIFIED WITH THIS UNHAPPY
MENTAL CONSTRUCT, THE ME WITH
ITS STORY.
AND THAT'S WHAT I CALL NOW THE
SHIFT IN CONSCIOUSNESS THAT
HAPPENED.
YOU COULD ALSO CALL IT AN
AWAKENING.
>> George: AND HOWEVER IT IS WE
ARE WE ACT, WE ARE ULTIMATELY
WHERE WE COME FROM AND I WONDER
TO GET TO THAT POINT, WHAT WERE
YOUR FOLKS LIKE?
I NEVER HEARD WHAT YOUR
CHILDHOOD WAS LIKE THAT WOULD
SET THESE DOMINOES UP TO HAVE
THEM FALL DOWN ONE NIGHT.
>> THE CHILDHOOD WAS ALREADY
UNHAPPY AND THERE WAS ALMOST
CONTINUOUS CONFLICT IN MY
PARENTS' MARRIAGE AND I WAS THE
ONLY CHILD THAT WANTED SIBLINGS
AND I SUFFERED A LOT AND THE
BEGINNINGS OF THE DEEP
UNHAPPINESS AND DEPRESSION ARE
PROBABLY THERE, BUT, AGAIN, I'M
GLAD NOW THAT IT DID HAPPEN
BECAUSE OTHERWISE THE SHIFT
WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED.
>> George: YOU KNOW THE IDEA OF
BEING IN NOW, IT'S SOMETHING
THAT MY FRIENDS HAVE STOPPED
ASKING ME TO BE IN THE NOW
BECAUSE IT'S NOT A REALITY FOR
ME BECAUSE I'M GOING HERE AND
TRYING THIS, AND THE ONE THING
THAT WE KNOW IS THAT OUR SOCIETY
IS CONSTRUCTED IN A WAY WHERE WE
HAVE A HISTORY AND WE HAVE
THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
HOW DO YOU ALMOST APPROACH THE
UNLEARNING OF A PEOPLE TO CHANGE
THE WAY THAT THIS STRUCTURE,
THIS SOCIETY, IS BUILT?
THIS SOCIETY IS BUILT ON HERE'S
MY PAST, LEARN FROM MY PAST AND
IF I DON'T LEARN FROM MY PAST
I'M DOOMED TO REPEAT THE
MISTAKES, HOW DO YOU PUT THAT
ALL TOGETHER REALIZING HOW 148
SOCIETY IS?
>> IT'S ALL TRUE, OF COURSE AND
IT'S GOOD TO LEARN FROM ONE'S
PAST MISTAKES, AND ON THE OTHER
HAND, IF YOU IDENTIFY WITH YOUR
PAST AND YOUR MEMORIES AND IT
FORMS A SENSE OF SELF THAT
BECOMES A KIND OF PRISON.
SO NOTHING WRONG WITH LEARNING
FROM THE PAST, BUT THE VERY
ESSENTIAL THING IS THE
REALIZATION THAT YOUR LIFE IS
ALWAYS THIS MOMENT.
YOUR LIFE IS NEVER NOT THIS
MOMENT.
AND WHATEVER YOU THINK OR
EXPERIENCE HAS TO BE IN THE NOW.
SO LIFE AND NOW ARE ACTUALLY
INSEPARATABLE.
I'd love to add more of my comments I'd love to share, but I'm short on time, I'm on a commercial, actually captioning now! let me know what you think! Suzie
Oh, the numbers are page numbers on my file, sorry about that! Suzie
Thank you for your thoughtful comments about religion and personal spirituality. My perspective is very similar to yours. I hope your holiday celebration is filled with peace and love. Merry Christmas! Jeanne
In this country there is the right to religion. But sometimes I think folks forget that there is also the right to not have religion. I am not religious. I respect those that are. But I don't like it getting pushed down my throat. And for some strange reason, in Blogland, sometimes I feel that it is. I admire you for being truthful. And i commend you for standing your ground.
Brenda
Hi Abbie, I didn't read the post about religion yet, but I'm not really attached to a church community either. We only go once a year to church or special occasions like baptimse in the family. That's it. I teach my kids as well about God and Jesus. My mum is active in church but it's not my calling. That doesn't mean I believe. I think you don't have to be in a group to believe. I really enjoyed reading your post and hope you have a wonderful Christmas time with your family! Lot's of smiles and hugs your way!!!!!
Anke ;)
Merry Christmas to you and to your family!
Hi Abbie, I apologize that this is coming a few days after the fact and perhaps you would like to move on but I just wanted to share with you my feelings. I read your above post first the day before Christmas Eve and thought to myself 'She is beautiful!!'. You are so honest and articulate. I think it takes a lot of courage to share your feelings and your home with so many. I thought it was so ironic that I came across your post while in search of a fun tradition to start with my own little family. Being away from the bulk of my family at this time of year can be especially hard and I have come to appreciate the powerful loving influence that a mother shares just by being close by. When she is here there is a sense of grounding felt within that gives me the courage and inspiration to be a better Me, Mom, Wife, Homemaker, Friend---all those titles that make up who I am. I can't say that we had traditions in the traditional sense like they were defined as such, but we had the basics and there was a whole lot of love to go around. I can remember a year when I told my Mom that we didn't seem to have any traditions in our family like my friends did. As I look back on it I'm not even sure what the comparison was but I was about 10 at the time and we just didn't seem to be like anyone else anyway so throw tradition into the mix. My Mom was concerned with my feelings and so when Thanksgiving came around we sat down for our meal. Stomachs were growling and we all just wanted to eat but alas a "tradition" was thought of and on each of our plates were three kernels of corn. "What the heck is this?" was my response when I looked down. 'Its our new tradition Sarah. After the prayer, before we eat, we are going to go around and everyone is going to share three things (hence the three kernels) that they are grateful for. Won't that be nice?' "Aww, come on!!! Can't we just EAT!?!" Similar sentiments were shared around the table but we did it THAT year. Of all the holiday meals that we had together with family both immediate and extended this one stands out to me the most in memory. I generally remember of the others feelings rather than exact events. Out of pictures, the very few I have, I can reconstruct with the help of others what happened that year, where we were, and who was there. My Mother is a recorder. She labels the pictures, Gathers family geneology, keeps a current journal and listens. This gift of recording doesn't come as easily to me but I find her example priceless. I admire the people that have this gift and I turn to them often to see how its done. Your children are so fortunate to have you. I imagine that at times just like myself It can feel like the wheels are just spinning in the dirt and it is all pointless. I think there is a lot of opposition out there directed at our best efforts while we are doing something good. YOU do a LOT of good! It isn't all for not and I am so thankful for the inspiration! Keep it up!
And by the way---The salt dough ornaments were a huge hit! Even Henry got in on it with a stamp of his ltlle foot to mark his first Christmas. We each made an ornament as a gift to Quinn's parents. They loved them. Our Christmas this year has been magical and simple. Hugs to you! Love, Sarah