What makes the memories memorable?
Saturday, December 19, 2009 at 7:44PM 
I have been struggling with the Christmas season for years now. I get so excited, love to decorate and make things but then as the 25th approaches I loose steam and get, well, ugly. It's not the hustle and bustle.. or the falafalalallaaa.. for so long now I associated my emotional shift with seasonal depression perhaps or the weather. But that's not it. It has to do with family, I think.
My memories of past Christmas's are nonexistant. I have none, no sweet thoughts, no emotionally charged gifts or overall feeling. Most of them were filled with nice gifts, some family (ranging in numbers from just my parents to 20+) but I can't remember them. Nothing. I mentioned it to my mom this evening and she was able to rattle them off.. where in the world we were, (Italy, Germany, Austria..) who was there that particular year and some of the events. I, on the other hand, have got nothin', so to speak.
She apologized for not making them more memorable, but I'm not sure if that's it either. There has just been something missing, a gap. The only memory of Christmas I have during my high school years is of the year my brother went through a nasty divorce and on his way to my mother's Christmas morning, he hit and killed a puppy. Not exactly Christmas cheer.
My memory has never been very good, as I can't remember many of my birthdays either. What I am trying to get at is I don't want Christmas to be forgotten by my children as quickly as I have forgotten them. I want and they need, for Christmas to have more meaning. More purpose than just to get more stuff.
I have yet to step into a store this year (for the purpose of buying gifts). Gifts were made or bought, but I did it all from this very seat, over the internet. The spending was cut way back too.. not out of necessity, but out of disgust. We have enough. Enough clothes, enough toys, enough puzzles, enough food, enough stuff. Enough is enough.
It's not about the stuff anyway. If it was I'd remember what I was given or blessed with as a child (or atleast a couple of gifts right?) I do recall a gold necklace with solid gold pendant that my father gave me. But it is long gone, and although I know where it is, I know I'll never see it again. I was so sad, and my father was sad/disappointed, when I 'lost' it.
For years I have been going through the motions and so very happy once it all ends and I can take down all the 'stuff'. I think, perhaps, it is a lack of tradition. I don't think we had any family traditions, infact now that I think about I know we didn't. Atleast none once I was old enough to recall them. Ones that separated us from any other churchless family. No special songs, carols, movies, drives or games. Nothing significant and unique to us, some thing or event to bind us together as a whole through the years. Those novelties to look forward to from year to year.. or to remember as the years pass us by. No one special meal or treat, or routine such as hunting for a tree together or Christmas Mass to attend. Nothing that floated with us from year to year. And still there are none.
So, now for traditions.. perhaps. But what makes memories memorable? Last year I spent days making cinnamon ornaments and on Christmas eve the kids and I drove around and delivered them to our friends and family. I think we need to do this again. And again. and again. It will be the first annual tradition I start with my children.
Thank you for 'listening'. As I typed this out, it helped. Helped me organize my thoughts and feelings. It isn't about the stuff. The stuff changes from year to year. It is about the things that don't change.. the joys of giving, of everyone playing Santa, of finding our 'us' among the stuff. I have a new family now and children who are counting on me to give them Christmas's they won't ever forget. I don't care if they forget the stuff.. I just don't want them to forget the 'us', like I so quickly forgot my childhood...
Make it memorable..
xoxo~
Abbie
Reader Comments (13)
You have aptly put into words the feelings that I have also had. It has been building over the years but seems to be the most powerful this year. I too get all excited about the event of the season, but as it approaches, sparkle is soon replaced with dread and disapointment. My expectations of Christmas must be unrealistic for the most part. Thanks for the opportunity to think about something that is not easily discussed with family and friends. My children are grown and I terribly miss them during this time of the year. Enjoy every moment you have with your precious little ones.
All i can say Abbie is that I understand. Thinking of you...Sally
I think Christmas is hard for a lot of people, especially the Merry part.
To me it was always the warmth my grandmother brought to the house, and later my mother in law.
Now they are both gone and we are just starting to find "it" again.
From reading your blogs, I have the feeling your children will have plenty happy memories, big or small.
Not just around Christmas time either!
I think saying this out loud, for you, will be the start you need to change things around. You will find that special something for yourself and your family, because now you are aware that things aren't right for you at Christmas time. Definately make your own traditions. Make yourself a Christmas journal and note down all the things your family do together and make up traditions to be done together next year and the year after that and the year after that. Memories are such an important thing to have and I find my annual December diary a wonderful momento to cherish and look at every Christmas time. All the best to you and your family and I hope this Christmas is the start of many more Memorable Christmases to come xx
Christmas is at the bottom of my list of "favorite holidays". I prefer the Fourth of July and Halloween over Christmas. And a big part of it, as you say, is the "stuff". I ask the people in my family, "What do you want for Christmas?" They say, "I don't know." And that is because they already have everything they need. My family is not "churchless", however, we do not celebrate Christmas in a spiritual or religious way. Sometimes I wish we did, because I think it would give it meaning. Your observation that having family traditions gives Christmas more meaning and makes it more memorable is correct. I remember family Christmases for that very reason. Making gifts with your children and then giving them away is a great start. It sounds like you were in a lot of different places and situations and with different people each Christmas throughout your childhood, and I'm sure that may account for any cohesive memories of this holiday. I know your children are still small, but I wonder how they would reply if you asked them, "What do you remember about Christmas?" Thanks for sharing your feelings. I'm guessing a lot of people feel the same way you do (and just won't admit it!) And you are so right--it's about the things that don't change. I wish you and your family a memorable Christmas this year.
I get with the program...but truth be told. I hate Christmas. I can't wait until its over. I never had a happy Christmas in my childhood and actually would love to forget them. I lived with more chaos that Merry. I make mine marry and I push through but its rough
This is so sad to me, even the comments, though I can understand why people feel this way.
Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. I do think, that if you aren't celebrating Christ's birth you really are missing Christmas. I have good & bad memories of Christmas. I remember some years when I didn't even get any gifts at all. It was terrible at the time, going to school & having to tell friends I didn't get anything when they asked. Looking back though, my mom still made it special for us with special foods & traditions. My sisters & I played lots of games together over the Christmas breaks. It taught me to take my focus off of things or decorating & onto good times with people.
My family has traditions that focus around Christ's birth, decorating our tree together & enjoying simple foods, music & celebrations that only come in December. I also never ask people what they want, I ask them what they're doing to celebrate. For us it's as simple as sitting in front of the fire with candles burning, eating Christmas goodies, reading our Advent book or watching a movie together. When it gets hard, think about what your family really loves & just make time for that. Then enjoy being with your family. Don't look at what doesn't get done on your list, your kids won't ever remember that anyway. They will remember the fun playing or cooking with you; listening to music, laughing & sharing memories at you decorate your tree(not the whole house - just start with a tree or just a nativity).
I know this is long but one more thing is to be sure you don't over schedule. Guard everyone's bedtimes & make sure you get plenty of rest. It really does make a difference with your attitude if you're well rested.
Sending you a hug, Abbie. I work at getting through the holiday season, too. My husband has very strong memories and traditions, (Italian, Catholic, neither of which I am) and I keep trying to recapture them for him, but never quite successfully. And although I have memories from my own childhood, my family has dissolved, and I don't really want to revisit those earlier times. Our own kids are adults. We had lovely times during the years when they were little, but we won't be seeing them this holiday season. So all in all, I'm not sure what to make of it all. Not sure what it means to me at this stage of my life. Sigh. Anyway, you're not alone.
Jeanne
the "us" is priceless in this world
I'm feeling much the same way. I'm rather disgusted with the whole Christmas gift thing. I did not buy one gift this year. I did not buy one ornament. I made what I used. I decorated, but with no real delight. I hate to even go in a store. The harried workers, the cell phones ringing, the kids screaming, hustling and bustling to get that perfect gift that people will probably exchange anyways. Why do we bother? My grown daughters and I decided last year we'd just stop "trading money," for that was essentially what we were doing. I just want it over with too!
Brenda
I remember Christmas, that is until my parents divorced when I was 21. After that, the wonderful Christmas production was never the same. I keep Christ in Christmas and try help my kids focus on that, and not the I wants. But I can get caught up in the massive list, that I just back off and say enough, focus on the true meaning, have fun with the kids, and enjoy the times.
mmmm so beautiful and hard to say out loud! You know we took a look at how are Christmas crash was ruining our holiday season and realized that so much time is spent gearing up that one day is not enough. So we celebrate the 12 of Christmas between Christmas and Epiphany Jan 6th. Nothing flashy just enjoy the simple life.In fact I blogged about just moments ago so funny to click over and see your post. Come by my blog and say hi after Christmas and let me know how you are doing! I hope you find peace!
Abbie, I'm entering this conversation very late, but I was so touched by your original post, your readers' comments, and your response. My family is Jewish. My parents saw Christmas as an American holiday and they didn't want their children to be left out, so I can still remember waking up to the magical ( though artificial) tree, candy canes, and presents. Imagine my shock at finding the boxed tree in the basement one summer! I also have one photo of me at the age of seven or so, when we visited a department store Santa. I have fond memories of making decorations at school and with the Girl Scouts.....and listening to "The Cinnamon Bear" on the radio in the weeks before Christmas. However, as an adult I did not bring Christmas into my home. We drove our children through various neighborhoods to enjoy the outdoor decorations and we dropped money into the Salvation Army buckets. At this point in my life, I visit blogs and drool over the amazing, lovingly-made holiday creations I find there. As I type this on January 26, there is an 8-degree wind chill and many of my neighbors still have their Christmas lights up to shine on these cold, dark nights. I am grateful to everyone who did and does enrich my life with their Christmas practices/observances.